Saturday, September 29, 2012

Remember This Feeling!

Why does it take something huge to remind me just what life is all about, and how precious life is? And why is it so easy to lose sight of, even after having just been reminded?? It was only 5 years ago that I lost my father after a double lung transplant. Losing a parent, especially at such a young age, changes your life forever. These are the only people who have known me my entire life..through good and bad. And now one of those people is gone from my life forever. I can never again say to him "Remember when I was 6 and would ask you to marry me when I grow up?" I can only share those memories with others now

He passed, I was sad for a long time; but, then life moved on. Everyday life keeps us all busy. The stresses of work, relationships, money, politics, car problems, etc. It becomes so easy to push to the back of our minds how we intended to change our lives after losing a loved one. How we wanted to embrace life more fully and not get bogged down with the everyday bullshit. 

Until another tragic event occurs.

A sweet friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer this year. She was going through chemo like a trooper! Honestly, her emails of her progress were INSPIRING! I eventually emailed her and told her that it was okay to feel pissed off every now and then. But she responded by saying God was good and she was feeling great and had found a new calling in her help those going through this once she herself got through it. Amazing. But then she was dealt another blow. A virus has attacked her brain and she is in the ICU for over 2 weeks now.

I visited her last night. And it has left me with that feeling once again of how precious life really is. She is unable to talk, has lost all of her hair, has a feeding tube in her nose, but, I swear, she still has a fight in her spirit. We locked eyes and I know that she knows (has ALWAYS known) how precious life is and she is NOT finished living hers.


I cried all the way home. I implored myself to live my life differently. "Self, stop letting people at work get to you. Self, stop nagging Eric about little things that don't amount to shit. Self, don't get so worked up over politics. Self, stop living your life obsessing about weight!!! Self, DO the things your heart desires no matter what it takes. Self, live your life for TODAY. Brittany, please, please don't lose this feeling. Don't let it go. Remember how precious each day is; fat or thin, Democrat or Republican, rich or poor, house clean or dirty. NONE of it matters in the end."

Nothing matters in the end except that I was loved and that I gave love, and that I lived my life to the fullest...whatever that may mean for me...for each of us.

Please help me to remember this, friends. Let's help one another remember this.

And lets all please say a prayer for B. She still has a lot of life to live.


  1. This was very moving and inspiring. You've made me remember things that I said to myself when your dad died. Thank you and you will always be loved.

  2. I am sorry to hear about your father and your friend. I said a prayer for B. Your photography is lovely.