Day 7 - Introspective

Merriam-Webster defines introspective as "to engage in an examination of one's thought process and sensory experience."  For those of you who have done any form of yoga you probably know that it can be a very introspective experience.  My instructors call our 90 minute long, 26 poses a 'moving meditation'.  We breath only through our nose in a very controlled manner.  This way of breathing in itself is a powerful method to bring our attention inward.  

Southern Arizona Skies

We are also encouraged to maintain eye contact with ourselves in the mirror.  This has only become easier for me in the past day or two.  I HATE looking in the mirror at myself.  Just as I hate being on the other side of a camera.  Probably like a lot of women out there, I focus on the negative...the fat rolls, the disappearing eyes, the one leg that is longer than the other, etc.  And being in a room heated anywhere from 105 to 110 degrees does not a pretty girl make!  My face becomes a frightening shade of crimson, I can see sweat literally dripping from my nose and elbows, my hair...well, my hair is a bird's nest of crooked, sweaty bobby pins.  Not exactly a time I want to be gazing upon my reflection!  However, at the insistence of my instructors, I am learning to focus solely on myself; to stop glancing around the room; to stop worrying about what people are thinking about me; to shut out what is going on around me, and to come into my own body, mind, and soul.  

Cattedrale di Santa Maria - Siena, Italy

Thus, over the course of these past 7 days I have become introspective not only during Bikram, but also in my everyday life. 

Butterfly on Dais

It just so happens that during this time of examining my thoughts and feelings, I come upon the 5 year anniversary of my dad's death.  7/7/07.  Lost to COPD brought on by smoking.  Lost after a double lung transplant.  Take those words and think on them for a moment:  Double.  Lung.  Transplant.  He was so afraid to have that surgery.  Refused to at the start.  But as his breathing worsened, and he got that phone call, he knew it was his only option.  He never left the hospital.  I meditate on that as I'm sweating through my 90 minute introspective yoga class.  I meditate on the good times we had.  I examine my feelings of guilt for moving across the country against his wishes as he struggled with this life/death decision.  

St. Frances - Assisi, Italy

I am grateful for these past 7 days.  Do I LOVE Bikram yoga?  Not like I love a good bottle of Kim Crawford Unoaked Chardonnay (3 more weeks, Kim!).  But I do love the feeling of accomplishment; the self-awareness; the alone time with me and my thoughts; the feeling after class of having sweat out not only toxins, but also negativity; the feeling of oneness with my body.  I feel more a part of my own body than I ever have.  Does that make sense to anyone besides me?  I feel the changes; I feel new muscles; I feel old muscles coming alive, stretching, awakening.  And it's only been 7 days!  As difficult as this challenge is, I'm still looking forward to what the next 3 weeks may bring!  Thank you for sharing my journey.  I miss you Dad.  XoXoXo

 Yoga is the perfect vehicle for change of yourself. First by creating a strong and powerful body and mind. It is a starting point from which you can begin to realize your human spirit.

— Bikram Choudhury

Day 3 - First Fart and First Lesson

Day 3 Blog accompanied by Photography Adventure Group's daily theme of Independence.

New York Stock Exchange

Yes, the first Bikram fart came tonight.  Although I'm happy to say it did not come from my tush (yet), it did, unfortunately, come from the person directly in front of me.  <sigh>

So, I wasn't going to blog about tonight's class.  I don't intend to bore you all with the details of all 30 classes by any means.  However, tonight I feel like I kind of got my first 'lesson' and thought it significant enough to share.

Tonight's instructor was actually the woman I mentioned in my first blog who's kickass body inspired me to get through that first class.  When I learned she was teaching tonight I told her as much and she was very sweet and gracious about it.  We talked about the student teacher who taught on Sunday and she assured me that her teaching style would be more informative and that she would help to ensure I was doing the moves correctly.  I told her I would very much appreciate that.

Washington Monument and American Flag

Maybe that's where my mistake was.  The class included a man there for his very first time, a girl who was there for her 2nd time, and me for my 3rd time.  The other people were, I assume, not newbies.  From the very first breathing posture she started critiquing me aloud.  That's fine.  I am QUITE OBVIOUSLY still learning and appreciate the help.  And of course I want to know what I'm not doing right.  The 2nd posture she critiques me again.  The 4th posture, again.  After about the 8th or 9th time I was kind of over it.  The only other names she called out were 'Jennifer' and 'Christina' and that was to praise them.  It felt as if I were the only person in the room doing the postures incorrectly.

Freedom Trail in Boston, MA

So, as the temperatures rose, as my body got weaker 60 minutes into class, my appreciation for her constructive criticism evaporated like my fellow yogi's fart in the heat.  I found myself fuming.  I found myself shooting daggers at her each time she called my name.  Honestly, the anger energized me enough to finish the class with good form in my final poses.  Was I praised like 'Jennifer' or 'Christina' for my Sasangasana  or my Janushirasana ?  No.  But I wasn't criticized for them either.

So, as we lie in the dark in our final Savasana at the end of class, our instructor begins to talk to us about the power of our own selves.  She begins to tell us how the power of Bikram can make us physically stronger and mentally stronger.  That each day we have what we need within ourselves to get through whatever life presents to us.  That no one should be able to make us angry or upset; that would be giving our power away.  That we should have the strength to say 'No' so that the power of 'Yes' is more meaningful.  That we should not apologize to anyone for how we feel.  And suddenly, my anger disappeared as a tear rolled down my sweaty cheek.  I got my first Bikram lesson.

Let no one steal your peace.

— Bikram Choudhury

Wishing you all a happy and safe Independence Day!!

Day 2 of Hotter Than Hell Challenge

Day 2 Blog accompanied by Photography Adventure Group's daily theme of Red, White,  & Blue.

So, Day 2 of Bikram Yoga was better.  Not easier, mind you, but better.  The instructor was not a student and therefore was much more informative and helpful.  Still no farting but the guy next to me was burping.  ??  Bikram burping?  I only sat out one pose tonight...again, more from the heat than anything.

What I'm most worried about at this point is how time-consuming this is going to be for a month.  I got off work at 5:00, ran home to change clothes and throw the hair in a ponytail, got to the studio and sweat my ass off for 90 minutes, and by the time I got home tonight it was between 8:15 and 8:30.  That doesn't leave much time for anything!  And it means late dinners...which are supposedly bad (although I've never really bought into that).

Oh well, I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.  And with such little free time...it leaves no time to even think about alcohol!  I'm actually kind of looking forward to weighing in at the end of the week!  Never thought I'd say that!

I ended the night by jumping into the pool in my birthday suit under a brilliant full moon.  I hope you all got to see it tonight.  As my friend, Kelli Donley wrote, we're all 'Under the Same Moon'.

Namaste

July 1st - Day One of my 30 Day Challenge

Day One - 136 pounds

   And so it begins.  I leave the house in short shorts and a tight workout shirt...hating the view of my muffin-top but knowing that I will be burning about 700 calories...I do what must be done.

The owner puts me in good position to see the instructors who are actually taking the class, as today's class has a student teacher.  Luckily, I'm right beside the thermostat so I can keep my curious eye on the temp for the entire 90 minute class.  We start at 105 degrees with 40% humidity.  Position 1 - Pranayama / Standing Deep Breathing.  Breathing?!  I can do this!  Easy-peasey!  Position 6 - Dandayamana-Janushirasana / Standing Head to Knee Pose.  Um...maybe a picture would explain why this is where I started getting wobbly:

Not to mention by this point the temp was already up to 108 with 42% humidity and I'm sweating out of pores that I'm pretty sure spontaneously popped up today.  700 calories...700 calories...this became my mantra!  And, lucky for me, the instructor who was participating in class had a kickass body and I kept telling myself that by the end of my 30 days I would look like her (shut up...it got me through the class, okay?!).


Position 13 Padangustasana / Toe Stand Pose...half way there!  Shit!  What the hell is this position?  I'm supposed to balance on my toes while squatting in what is now 110 degree heat with 44% humidity?  Really?  Needless to say...one hand remained on the floor at all times for this pose.

Pose 14 gets us to the floor at least...no more balancing acts...unless you count balancing on your neck.  And so it goes, one position after the next, repeated twice; until we come to the end where there are a few more breathing exercises that I did NOT understand how to do.  All in all it wasn't so bad.  The highest temp I saw was 110; I didn't check the clock until 70 minutes into it (those last 20 minutes were pretty brutal); although there was a LOT of sweat dripping I did not smell any farts (something I was warned about).  And I only sat out 2 poses...1 repetition of each so I DID do all 26 poses...I just needed to catch my breath because I started to feel a little faint from the heat.


Things Learned on Day One of Bikram Yoga:
1.  Take more water
2.  It's difficult to do certain yoga poses when you're covered in sweat...must figure this one out
3.  It's freakin' hot
4.  I'm actually quite limber and flexible!
5.  I have no balance!  (okay...I've always known this...as have my friends!)
6.  Take more water
7.  I was starving afterwards
8.  I am completely drained and exhausted now.  No soreness...but wiped out for sure.


So, that's it.  1 day down and 29 to go!  Now I must go take a nap!
(yoga photos courtesy of  www.yogadallas.com)

Update:  Went to take a nap at 2:00...something I very rarely do...and was just woken from a deep sleep by Cyrus barking at 6:45!  I'm still zapped!  

Hello Blog World!

I set up this blog page a year ago.  One year.  Can you say 'procrastination'?!  I blame it on television.  That damn boob tube sucks up too much of my time.  But I find those Housewives addictive!  Anyhoo, here I am!  What finally urged me to post, you may ask?  Changes.  I'm trying to make some changes in my life at the moment.  It may be a fleeting moment, I'll admit.  But maybe, just maybe, if I put some of it out there in the world for others to witness I will stick with some of the changes. 

Change Number One.  Drinking.  Or, more accurately, NOT drinking.  I am a wino.  I love the stuff.  I love to come home after a long day at work and pour a big cold glass of Chardonnay and watch my Housewives.  And then pour another big cold glass and watch The Bachelor or Bachelorette.  So on and so forth.  However, as of today it has been 6 days since my last alcoholic beverage and I feel pretty good about it.  I didn't make a decision to quit...it just kinda happened.  And I have no intentions of staying sober (ie: boring?) forever.  Let's just say wine and I are taking a break in our relationship.  So, that change, timed with a FB post a friend made about a Bikram yoga challenge, kind of went hand in hand! 

Change Number Two.  Bikram Yoga 30 Day Challenge.  Now, my friends and family may think that giving up alcohol might be the bigger challenge here.  I, on the other hand, fear this hot, sweaty, stinky, intense, body-twisting yoga challenge more.  I mean, let's think about this a minute:  I'm to put on small, tight, clothes (oh Lord help my fellow Yogis!), go from 112 degree Phoenix weather into a 'cool' 105 degree yoga studio, do poses I haven't done in 7 years, for NINETY minutes.  Why?  Why am I doing this?  Well, I need to lose some of my wine weight; it's said to be a good detox for the body; I always enjoyed (cold) yoga; and the challenge came right at a time where I had decided to stop drinking...perfect timing.  Oh, and I'm a crazy redhead who likes to try new adventures!

Change Number Three.  Blogging.  So, as I mentioned previously, I've been meaning to blog for some time now.  A few years ago I had a job where I was traveling all over the US.  I had every intention of blogging about my experiences in LA, NYC, Boston, San Francisco, San Diego, DC, etc.  It really pisses me off that I didn't do that.  I didn't even keep a journal.  Shame on me.  So, while those blog posts may have been a little more entertaining than everyday life in Phoenix, I am finally doing it.  Hopefully I will have SOME travels to post about in my near future.  A trip to Napa is planned for October!

Change Number Four.  More Photography.  Lately, between the heat and trying to learn LightRoom, I have been taking fewer pictures and spending more time editing the ones I have.  I'd like to challenge myself to take more photos.  I tried a photo-a-day last year but that only lasted a week or so.  We'll see how this one goes.  You, my 'loyal readers' (please note I have NO followers as I write this) may grow bored of photos of my cat and dog every day and I'd hate to lose you before I even get you!

Change Number Five.  Therapy.  Yes, I've said it.  I've put it out there with no shame.  I'm thinking of finding a therapist.  I won't divulge too much here other than to say...I'd love to pay someone to listen to me bitch for a solid hour!!!  And it might make for a fun blog post afterwards!

Okay, that's enough for today.  In fact, this is pretty monumental!  A new blog and FIVE life changes!  Wish me luck!  I begin Bikram in the morning!! https://www.facebook.com/bikramyoganorthscottsdale